Christmas Carols
by LunaPadma
Summary: New Year's isn't really the time that most people decide to sing Christmas carols, but when has Camp Half-Blood been normal?


**Finished at 12:11 1/1/2011**

_Whose bright idea was it to sing Christmas carols?_ Katie Gardner thought. _I mean, we believe in the Greek Gods? Joy to the World doesn't begin to cut it._

What had started as a nice holiday gesture from Chiron and the Apollo cabin had soon turned to blows. They had started off with a classic, except then those stupid Stoll brothers decided to 'Greekify' them.

They had all started by singing,

_Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Reindeer)_

_Had a very shiny nose (Like Thalia's shield!)_

_And if you ever saw it (Saw it)_

_You would even say it glowed (Like Greek fire!)_

_All of the other reindeer (Reindeer)_

_Used to laugh and call them names (Like Hephaestus) _Now they were bordering on blasphemy.

_They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph)_

_Join in any reindeer games (Like Capture the Flag!)_

_Then one foggy Christmas Eve_

_Santa came to say (ho ho ho)_

"_Rudolph with your nose so bright,_

_Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"_

_Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)_

_As they shouted out with glee (Opa!) _They had really seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding too many times.

_Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Reindeer)_

_You'll go down in history (Like Percy Jackson!)_

And it wasn't just the Stoll brothers. Some Ares kids had heard the new Athena kid singing 'Like George Washington' instead of the way that they had sung it, which was 'Like Columbus!'

The new Athena kid, Kendra, yelled, "I choose to honor the father of our great nation as opposed to the idiotic man who thought that this was India!"

"Columbus was our great half-sibling!" an Ares kid, Jack, yelled back.

"That's why he's an idiot! Why would I choose to honor someone like that?"

"He has his own holiday!"

"So does Washington! Two of them! Fourth of July and, oh yeah, Presidents Day!"

"Alright, break it up!" Chiron said, pushing the two groups apart. "It's just a song!"

While Chiron was breaking up that fight, the Stoll brothers had gotten onstage and had started to sing what Katie _thought_ was Joy to the World but didn't sound anything like it.

_Joy to the World,_

_Kronos is dead!_

_We barbequed his head!_

_What happened to the body,_

_We flushed it down the potty!_

_And round and round it goes,_

_And round and round it goes,_

_And round and round and round it goes!_

"Thank you, thank you, no photographs please!" Connor said as he bowed.

"We'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitresses!" Travis added, straightening from his own bow. They walked offstage, applauding their own song.

The Apollo kids managed to regain the stage after Travis and Connor's very unfortunate performance, apparently based off of their older brother's career. Alfred Yankovic had definitely corrupted these brothers.

Katie was just glad they skipped 'Christmas at Ground Zero'.

Apollo's kids began to sing the Twelve Days of Christmas. Emboldened, perhaps, by the Stoll brothers' performance, the sons of Ares decided to make a Greek version, as opposed to the normal version.

_On the first day of Christmas, Hera gave to me_

_A peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the second day of Christmas, Lord Zeus gave to me_

_Two lightning bolts and a golden apple tree!_

_On the third day of Christmas, Poseidon gave two me_

_Three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the fourth day of Christmas, Ares gave to me_

_Four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the fifth day of Christmas, Apollo gave to me_

_FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the sixth day of Christmas, Artemis gave to me_

_Six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the seventh day of Christmas, Demeter gave to me_

_Seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the eighth day of Christmas, Hephaestus gave to me_

_Eight Cyclopes forging, seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the ninth day of Christmas, Dionysus gave to me_

_Nine drunks a-drinking, eight Cyclopes forging, seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree._

_On the tenth day of Christmas, Athena gave to me_

_Ten nerds a-typing, nine drunks a-drinking, eight Cyclopes forging, seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the eleventh day of Christmas, Hermes gave to me_

_Eleven shoes a-flying, ten nerds a-typing, nine drunks a-drinking, eight Cyclopes forging, seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, Aphrodite gave to me_

_Twelve babes a-flirting, eleven shoes a-flying, ten nerds a-typing, nine drunks a-drinking, eight Cyclopes forging, seven sheaves a-growing, six Hunters hunting, FIVE GOLDEN LYRES, four shiny swords, three ancient tridents, two lightning bolts, and a peacock in a golden apple tree!_

Everyone cheered the sons of Ares on, but there was one small fight between two daughters of Apollo because 'Cassie sings it wrong!' and 'I sing it right, you stuck-up brat! You sing it wrong!'

Katie leaned over to the Demeter counselor (Katie had resigned after the Titan war), Miranda Gardiner, and asked, "Why do they keep interrupting the actual singers? Even the Stoll brothers only have enough energy to interrupt them once or twice a week. And why aren't Chiron or Dionysus doing anything to stop it?"

Miranda laughed. "Oh, you've never been here for New Years, have you? It's a tradition. We all sing mutilated Christmas carols and the Apollo kids pretend to actually lead us in carols, but we all know why this thing's put up. You think the Ares kids could come up with that Twelve days thing on the spot? Of course not!"

The Apollo kids began to sing Jingle bells, but you could hardly hear them over the Athena kids.

_Clash those swords, clash those swords, clash them through the day!_

_Cuz without skills, you'll get skewered, and that's a damper until May! Hey!_

The Dionysus cabin, led by (for unknown reasons) Travis and Connor, sang the next verse.

_Crashing through the woods, avoiding Ares kids,_

_We must get that flag, OR THEY'LL KILL US ALL!_

_The ground is turning red, get nectar or I'm dead_

_I woke up with that hot nurse girl, her hand was on my head, OH!_

Athena's children began to belt it out.

_Clash those swords, clash those swords, clash them through the day._

_Cuz without skills, you'll get skewered and that's a damper until May! Hey!_

They took a bow. Miranda stood up and grabbed her hand. 'Come on," she said. "We're up!"

"But I don't know what we're doing!" Katie protested.

"Oh yeah, Demeter tradition. We don't tell the newbies anything, and since you've never heard of it, we have no choice but to not include you. Sorry." Miranda shrugged.

The Apollo kids were now desperately trying to lead everyone in 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town', but the Demeter cabin was singing an altogether different version.

_You better get sentries_

_You better get swords_

_You better get shields, I'm telling you why_

_Typhon here is coming to town!_

_He's making a plan_

_Testing it out_

_Gonna find out who can strategize!_

_Typhon here is coming to ton!_

_He sees your pathetic defense_

_He knows you're out of guns_

_He knows if you need more soldiers, _

_So barricade for goodness sake! Oh!_

_You better get sentries_

_You better get swords_

_You better get shields, I'm telling you why!_

_Typhon here is coming to town!_

_Typhon here is coming to town!_

They all sat down. Katie wondered if anyone would get mad because, well, a lot of people had died in the Second Titan War, and would anyone take it offensively?

"Nice job, gals and dudes," Travis said, coming to sit with them. Miranda made room for him on their log.

"Shouldn't you be with your cabin?" Katie asked.

"Nah, why would I?" Travis asked. "They're jealous cuz Connor and I snagged the solos again."

"You always snag the solos," Miranda said.

"I'm cool like that," Travis said cockily.

The Apollo cabin began to sing a favorite song of Katie's, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, but she couldn't hear the words because of the Aphrodite girls.

_Rhea got run over by a centaur!_

_Walking home on Winter Solstice Eve!_

_You can say there's no such things as monsters,_

_But as for me and Kronos, we believe!_

_She'd been drinking too much nectar!_

_And they begged to teleport!_

_But she always had been crazy!_

_And walked out of the building into the snow!_

_Rhea got run over by a centaur!_

_Walking home on Winter Solstice eve!_

_You can say there's no such thing as monsters,_

_But as for me and Kronos, we believe!_

_When they found her Winter Solstice_

_With the hoofmarks on her back!_

_There was ichor in the snow!_

_And traces of root beer in the jacket!_

_Rhea got run over by a centaur!_

_Walking home on Winter Solstice eve!_

_You can say there's no such thing as monsters,_

_But as for me and Kronos, we believe!_

_Now we're all so proud of Kronos_

_He just tried to kill us all!_

_This is making some real progress_

_Last time, he killed humanity!_

_It's not Solstice without Rhea!_

_All the family's fightin back!_

_Soon all the centaurs'll be extinct!_

_Except the one we all called Jack!_

_Rhea got run over by a centaur!_

_Walking home on Winter Solstice eve!_

_You can say there's no such thing as monsters,_

_But as for me and Kronos, we believe!_

The Aphrodite cabin giggled, curtsied or bowed, and sat down. Katie sighed. "I did love that song, but they kind of ruined it."

"How so? I really thought they improved it!" Travis said.

"I thought that they would do Jingle Bell Rock," Katie said. "I never liked that one."

"No, they did that last year. Repeats are bad form. I hear Hephaestus took Jingle Bell Rock."

"Seven minutes!" someone shrieked.

The Apollo cabin began to sing 'Jingle Bell Rock', but Hephaestus was indeed singing a strange parody to it.

_Blacksmith shop, blacksmith shop, blacksmith shop rock!_

_Blacksmiths hammer and blacksmiths all make._

_Blowing up stupid things, making us laugh!_

_Now the blacksmith shop has begun!_

_Blacksmith shop, blacksmith shop, blacksmith shop rock!_

_Blacksmiths hammer and blacksmiths all make._

_Blacksmiths are sexy beasts_

_Plus our gifts rock._

_You know you want us and our cool stuff!_

_What a bright time_

_It's just night time_

_Let's not leave our great shop!_

_Who would want to, it just ain't cool, to leave our great shop!_

_Giddy-up robot horse, giddy up now!_

_We're going on a quest!_

_Mix and a-mingle you'll need their help!_

_That's the blacksmith shop rock!_

Everyone clapped.

"TEN!" they all shouted, pointing at the screen Dionysus had summoned. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! THREE! TWO! ONE!"

Travis's lips were suddenly on hers. She'd never had a New Year's kiss, and it was really nice. He was a good kisser.

Wait. She was kissing _Travis Stoll_. The one that she hated. She despised him and told him so on a daily basis. Why was he kissing her?

She pulled away. "What the _Hades_ was that?" she asked.

"Well, it's called a New Year's kiss. It involves someone, usually a romantic partner of some sort, kissing another in the beginning of the New Year. I would have hoped it as obvious."

"You hate me. I hate you. Why were we just kissing?" Katie asked.

"I have never hated you. I've actually liked you for a very long time. You know, you can be quite clueless sometimes."

"Katie," Miranda said threateningly. "If you do not proceed to snog the pants off of the rather attractive boy in front of you, I will kill your plants."

"Snog?"

"I can feel British sometimes, okay?"

And then Travis's lips were on hers again and all further communication was effectively put off.


End file.
